Shame
Sermon Notes Pentecost 2 7th June Matthew 9:9-13, 18-26 by Desiree Snyman
Today I want us to think about shame.
Many years ago, I was doing the usual Monday morning tidy up around my church and picked up a book left behind by a member of one of the many AA and NA groups that hired the church through the week. On the inside page was scrawled in shaky writing:
"I am not a bad person wanting to be good. I am a sick person wanting to be well."
Even today I still feel tearful at the shame that poured out of that sentence. Holding that book stopped me in my tracks. I felt such compassion for the anonymous owner. I realised we have no idea about the inner wounds of shame people carry.
Shame. When you think about shame, what does your body do in response? Does your head bow? Do you lower your eyes? Do you curl in on yourself?
There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.” Guilt says, “I made a mistake.” Shame says, “I am a mistake.” Guilt can be empowering in that it can motivate repair. Shame is debilitating. It shuts people down. Shame disconnects people from their inner divinity, the Christ within. Shame disconnects people from belonging; it is isolating. Shame says, “You are not good enough.”
Calling and Healing
In the second week of Pentecost, we are back in the Gospel of Matthew. Two aspects of Jesus’ ministry are demonstrated: calling and healing.
Matthew the tax collector is called and ordained to the inner circle of Jesus’ disciples. What’s unusual about Jesus’ decision to choose Matthew is that he is a tax collector. For first-century Palestinian people living under Roman oppression, tax collectors are a hated enemy, Jewish traitors who take money to benefit empire and themselves. Tax collectors are reviled and rejected as the worst of sinners, which is why the Pharisees question why Jesus eats with tax collectors and sinners when Jesus enjoys hospitality in Matthew’s home.
The two healing stories of a young girl and an older woman are knitted together, but there are stark differences. The father of the girl, a synagogue leader, advocates on behalf of his daughter and speaks directly to Jesus, asking that he break purity codes to touch his daughter. Although he is desperate for healing, he has the confidence and authority to speak directly to Jesus.
The older woman’s faith is profound. Lacking the confidence of the synagogue leader to interrupt Jesus, she believes that simply touching the fringe of his prayer shawl will be enough. Perhaps she is motivated by Zechariah 8:23: "Thus says the Lord of hosts: In those days ten men from nations of every language shall take hold of a Jew, grasping his garment and saying, ‘Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you.’"
In Mark’s Gospel the young girl is twelve and the woman has been menstruating for twelve years. The number twelve is a reference to the twelve tribes of Israel. Under Roman oppression the Jewish people, like the woman and the girl, are literally bled dry to the point of death by exorbitant taxes.
The Shame and vulnerability Beneath the stories
The calling of Matthew, the healing of the young girl and the woman touching Jesus’ prayer shawl seem separate at first, but they are clearly linked. All three stories show how Jesus contravenes purity codes and offers mercy, healing and compassion to those others might reject.
It is the underlying shame that connects the stories of the older woman and the tax collector, and how Jesus stands within that shame to bring people to wholeness.
The synagogue leader embraces the power of vulnerability in asking Jesus for help. His example of vulnerability may have inspired the woman with menstruation to be vulnerable also, and reach out and touch Jesus.
Shame stems from childhood experiences, but also from societal and cultural influences. One source of shame is the purity codes. Matthew and the woman with menstruation are labelled as unclean and excluded from temple worship and social gatherings. Shame is an emotion, but it has other consequences. It leads to a sense of unworthiness and disconnection. Shame says to Matthew and the older woman, “You are not good enough.”
Matthew might have had a comfortable life with material wealth, but he would never have left his home without an armed guard. As a tax collector the message from tribe and temple is clear: “You are not worthy of belonging and love.” It does not take long for this message to be internalised. I imagine Matthew would have lived a lonely life.
A woman experiencing prolonged menstruation may internalize feelings of shame associated with her condition. The ongoing bleeding can limit participation in religious observances, temple worship, and social engagement. Consequently, the stigma extends beyond the physical experience, affecting emotional well-being, social relationships, and economic participation. This case demonstrates how shame is sustained through secrecy, silence, and societal judgment, contributing to a profound sense of isolation.
National Reconciliation Week
In the context of NRW, we might ask ourselves: Who are we in the story? I wonder whether the story of the older woman might resonate with some First Nations people who have experienced the exhausting effects of prejudice.
The person I identify with is the tax collector. I carry a sense of white shame and an awareness of the ways my privileged class has profited from past and present injustices. By white shame, I do not mean shame for being white, but shame arising from the ways people like me have benefited from past and present injustices. As a white person privileged by wealth, education, and life in a wealthy nation, I recognize that I benefit from economic, social, and colonial systems that have advantaged some groups at the expense of others.
For this reason, I may be most like the tax collector. In the Gospels, tax collectors were often seen as people who profited from unjust systems that burdened their own communities. This comparison does not necessarily mean that wealthy people are personally oppressive or intentionally exploit others. Although I carry a sense of white shame, I do not believe shame itself is the goal. Rather, that discomfort can become a doorway to truth-telling, repentance, and transformation. It invites self-examination:
· Do I benefit from systems that disadvantage others?
· Have I inherited privileges I did not earn?
· Am I willing to acknowledge those realities without defensiveness?
· Do I recognize my need for mercy, healing, and transformation?
Bringing Shame into the Light
The path out of shame is the power of vulnerability and bringing shame into the light.
The synagogue leader embraces his own vulnerability and need and reaches out to Jesus for help. Similarly, the woman with menstruation reaches out in vulnerability to touch Jesus. Vulnerability is uncomfortable. We are often taught that vulnerability is weakness. However, vulnerability brought healing, joy, celebration and community for the synagogue leader and his family.
Shame thrives in secrecy and silence but loses its power when brought into the light. By acknowledging and sharing his experience of power going out from him, Jesus brings into the light the woman who would have spent years hiding in the shadows. Her shame cannot survive when spoken and met with empathy.
For people who have been pushed aside, worn down or told they do not belong, for those who are desperate, Jesus does not avoid broken homes, public shame, deep grief or physical suffering. Grace comes near.
Concluding comments
The writer of that book all those years ago believed they were a sick person wanting to be well. Perhaps that is exactly what Jesus sees in these stories. Not bad people needing to become good, but wounded people needing healing. Not people to be excluded, but people to be restored.
Matthew is called while still sitting at the tax booth. The woman is seen after years of hiding. The girl is taken by the hand and raised to life.
Researcher Brené Brown argues that shame thrives in secrecy, silence and judgement, but that vulnerability is its antidote. When our wounds are brought into the light and met with empathy, shame begins to lose its grip. Brown goes on to say that vulnerability is not weakness. It is the birthplace of connection, creativity and innovation.
That insight echoes what we see in these Gospel stories. The synagogue leader risks vulnerability and asks for help. The woman reaches out from the shadows and touches Jesus' cloak. Matthew leaves behind the life he has known and follows. In each case, vulnerability opens the possibility of transformation.
Again and again, Jesus meets people in the places where shame tells them they are unworthy of belonging and love. He does not respond with condemnation. He responds with mercy, healing and relationship.
Perhaps that is the invitation for us today: To bring into the light the places where shame has taken root. To risk vulnerability before God and trusted others. For it is through connection, compassion and grace that shame loses its power, and we discover again that we belong and can be whole.